


Strength of Heart

by Mickey_99



Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:53:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24300139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_99/pseuds/Mickey_99
Summary: Goshiki's Story(Part of a series)
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Semi Eita, Goshiki Tsutomu/Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736596
Comments: 18
Kudos: 220





	Strength of Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so story time with Mickey.
> 
> I went running outside because I need to think and process my thoughts. It was slippery outside and my clumsy ass fell and slammed my head into the ground. Now I have a concussion.  
> .

I grew up as a drug runner. My parents would give me drugs to deliver and I would run, deliver them, and return with the money. It was by no means a fun job, and I was constantly dodging people's attempts to sleep with me. Walking around town at night meant you have unsavory characters everywhere. Luckily, I wasn't exactly what people would call a pretty boy. Which meant I was pretty relatively left alone.

Despite my parents being total drug addicts, they weren't totally bad people. They took care of me and fed me.

Hell, there were times when my dad even let me skip out on the delivery for the night when particularly bad people were roaming about.

Sure, my parents made me get a tattoo, and sure we didn't have a ton of money. But my parents let me pick what tattoo I wanted, and delivering drugs was just something I did as a chore.

Most people would consider my childhood to be fucked up, but my mom loved me and so did my dad.

My mother used to take the money I had gotten from the drug run and put it in her pocket. Then she would take me up to bed.

I used to tell my mother everything. I would tell her how school was going, I told her when I realized I was gay, and I always told her about my bullies from school. I would cry to her and tell her how much I hated myself. All because some boys made fun of how hard I tried at playing volleyball.

My mother would respond by holding me close.

"Never forget Tsutomu," she would say," Some people have strength of mind and confidence. But the great thing about you is your strength of heart and your determination. Never stop doing what you love."

Somehow her words made everything better

And do even if my life wasn't perfect, and if people found out I would be removed in an instant. Somehow, I was content in my life.

It was when my second year of middle school rolled around that everything changed.

"We are not selling our son's body," my mom shouts," That's where I draw a line. Tell your boss she can suck it."

"Very well," a man's voice said," Just remember I gave you a chance."

The man with brown hair and golden-brown eyes left. And I felt a deep sense of foreboding settle in my chest.

I cried that night to my mom about how I didn't want anything to happen to her. She smiled and said we were going to move away that way nothing could get us. My mom slept with me that night. Holding me close and comforting me in a way only a mother could.

"I'm sorry for putting you through all this," my mother said sadly," But we are going to move to Tokyo and your dad is going to get a real job. And never again will this be something you have to deal with."

And I felt a burst of warmth in my chest. That meant no more scary runs in the dark. That meant no more looking over our shoulder for police.

That week at school had been the best of my life. I did my schoolwork before going home and packing for a new life.

Then Friday came. Everything was packed. I was sent to bed with the promise that the next day we would be going to a new place. School had allowed me to finish my finals early that way my transfer to a new school wouldn't be two weeks before finals. I headed up to my bed with a smile on my face.

Sleep had been about to take me to another world when I heard commotion downstairs.

I quickly got out of bed and bolted out to the hallway. The noises were coming from the kitchen. I peeked quietly around the corner as to not draw attention to myself. There were two people other than my parents. There was a tall male who was big and muscular with blonde hair. And there was a woman with eyes that were steel gray.

"I'll give you one last chance," I hear the woman say," Give us the boy and we will let you live."

It was then that I noticed the gun in the man's hand. A feeling of dread settled over me. The feeling of foreboding I had had at the start of the week was back with vengeance.

"We aren't going to sell our son into sexual slavery," my dad says angrily,” We’ve run drugs for you for years; our debt should be- “

I felt a scream rip its way out of my throat as my father fell dead to the ground. The gun made hardly any noise. But my scream ricocheted off the walls.

I watch as the woman whips around to see my standing there and crying.

“I thought you said he wasn’t here right now?” The woman says,” We will be taking him.”

I take a couple of steps back, by body was trembling and I was terrified. All of a sudden, my view was taken up by my mother standing in front of my protectively. Then my mother body was on the ground. I felt something warm, hot, and sticky splatter on my face.

I couldn’t think after that. I couldn’t process. I had no clue how to even begin to sort through the feelings that had settled inside my heart. My eyes were wet with tears, but my brain couldn’t even process what I was crying about.

_We were going to start a new life._

There was blood covering the floor.

_We were going to be happy._

“Clean up this mess. I am taking the boy with me. Get rid of the bodies.”

_We were going to be safe._

I felt a hand roughly grab me and drag me outside. I felt myself get thrown into a vehicle. But nothing seemed real. I was still covered in my mother’s blood, and as I looked down at my hands I began to sob. Hot tears streamed down my face.

My family was never perfect. Drugs were something that was a part of the natural family environment. And a part of me said that I shouldn’t cry over two people who probably got us into this mess in the first place.

But my heart… My heart clenched inside my chest as I remembered my mother… It broke when I remembered my father. I felt the very essence of my existence ripping apart at the seams.

Nothing felt real anymore.

But still I tried to get out of there. After a couple days the woman let me wander around the area surrounding the house. The first thing I tried to do was tell somebody what happened. But instead of helping me and taking me to the police he took me home. He had been paid off.

My entire world tilted. How much money does someone have to be paid to make a human’s life worthless?

The woman had accepted me back greedily and dragged me up through the house. I had been stripped, grabbed by the throat and tied to the bed.

“You listen here,” She tells me. Her face is close to mine and I can see the rage in her eyes,” I own you. There is no escape. Do you understand? I can pay off anyone I damn well please. Nobody is going to help you.”

I felt tears leaking out of my eyes.

_STAY DETERMINED._

I nodded slowly. Even if I couldn’t get out now. I would do so later. I would _not_ be staying here.

I didn’t see anyone for the next week. I was tied there completely alone. My body was convulsing in shivers. My mouth was dry, and my stomach was aching from the lack of food. Everyday I questioned more and more if I could actually get out of there. My arms ached from being extended over my head. And by day 7 of that hell I could feel my body starting to shut down. It was around noon when they suddenly dragged another bed into the huge room and then shoved a boy about my age onto it. They tied him up just like they had done to me.

“He’s not a virgin like the other one,” a man said. “But he’s a fucking pretty boy that’s for sure.”

The woman who had taken me was helping him.

“Yeah well the other one isn’t as attractive,” She said, and suddenly I felt self-conscious about my naked body that was on display,” But I think together they can make a lot of our customers happy.”

I felt a jolt of fear run through my body. I didn’t want to have sex with some stranger. I didn’t want to have sex period right now.

“When the boy wakes up, I am going to have Tsutomu fuck him,” The woman says,” I’ll record it and send it to our interested customers.”

I froze. I was going to fuck him? I started panicking. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what I was doing, even when I fantasized about guys before I had never fantasized being on top. The idea had made me uncomfortable. The idea that I could do something wrong as a top, and seriously injure my partner was something that made me not want to do it. Being a top was stressful, and in a situation where neither one of us wanted to do it. It was downright terrifying.

I looked over at the boy on the other bed, and I wanted to start crying. He was the exact type of boy I would have wanted to be with outside this situation. He was gorgeous. It felt like some sick twist of fate.

_HEY, I’M GOING TO PUT YOU THROUGH HELL, BUT I’LL MAKE SURE HELL LOOKS AS GOOD AS POSSIBLE. THAT WAY WHEN YOU LOOSE IT, YOU’LL MISS IT._

I rolled over so I didn’t have to see the beautiful boy in the bed next to me, so I wouldn’t have to think about what they were going to make me do.

“Hey,” a voice says,” are you awake?”

His voice was beautiful, and not only that his voice commanded with a confidence I had never had. His voice demanded to be answered.

“Yeah,” I said and somehow, I felt myself needing to know his name,” What is your name?”

I briefly note how pathetic my voice is compared to his. How mine lacks the confidence his has. And somehow my heart starts yearning for him.

“Shirabu Kenjirou.” His reply was simple and to the point. And my breath caught in my throat. His name itself exuded leadership and confidence. He was gorgeous in every way. I felt myself getting nervous. I felt my breathing pick up. Trust my dumbass to fall in love with someone I was in this situation with.

It took me a second to realize I should tell him my name as well. “Mines Goshiki Tsutomu.” But with my increased breathing my body started to wrack itself with coughs.

“Hey! Are you okay over there? You sound like your dying.” Part of me wants to wince at how cold he sounds. The other part of me wants to chuckle because it sounds like he is trying really hard to help.

“Yeah I guess I do,” I said chuckling, though the laugh came out more as a wheeze,” I’ve been stuck here like this for a week. I tried to tell someone what was going on, and I guess she found out. My punishment is to lie here like this for a week without food or water.”

There was silence. He seemed to be trying to take it all in. And after the week I had had. I knew there was no escaping this hell.

“What about the person you told? Surely they would do something?”

_Yeah right who would save someone like me when they could have money._

“I don’t think you understand,” I say. My face is twisted into a sad smile and tears are running down my cheeks,” People are scared of her. She can either blackmail you or pay you off so easy its not even funny. The only way you get out of here is if she loses interest in you.”

We continued to talk after that. He kept trying to find someway to get out. And I didn’t blame him. I had been like that too. But I also knew… I felt it wasn’t possible.

I explained how she works, and he went silent. There was sounds of movement on his side of the room.

“The hell?” I hear him say suddenly. It had been quiet before, so his sudden swearing made me jump. “When the hell did, they tattoo a rose on my hip?!”

And suddenly everything in the world stopped for me. Because of course fate would make the boy who was about to start hating me my soulmate.

I had no more air in my lungs, but I managed to push out the question regardless.

“What did you say?” I asked. My voice betraying the shock I felt. He was about to answer, but the door swung open. The woman who killed my parents walked into the room.

I tensed as I realized she was choosing to walk right over to me.

“Ah Tsutomu,” she said,” I hope you’ve learned your lesson, because next time you do something like that again, it won’t be just you that gets hurt.”

My breath caught in my throat. There really was no escaping this hell hole. I wasn’t about to try and get my soulmate killed. My mind immediately went to my mother and how she had crumpled to the ground in a heap.

My entire body is tense as she unties me from the bed, and as my arms fall to my sides, I bite back the wince of pain that come with moving my joints. I was only able to relax for a second before I was being picked up and thrown to the ground in a heap. I let out a sharp cry of pain as I felt one of my rib’s cracks.

And when the woman orders me to the foot of the bed, I scrambled to follow it.

I tried to steady my breathing, so my ribs didn’t hurt as bad. But I still had a wince on my face. A wave of coughs passes over my body and my knees shake. My entire body feels seconds away from withering away. I briefly heard a conversation going on behind me, but the words were unintelligible. The roaring in my ears just kept getting louder.

Then I felt hands tangle in my hair before yanking me over to the side of the bed, so that I could face Shirabu. I watching in agony as his eyes trace themselves over my body before landing on my tattoo. My eyes immediately fell to his as well. My ears were still roaring and there was pain coming from my ribs but all of a sudden, I heard her say exactly what she wanted.

“Tsutomu, I want you to fuck him.”

And I froze staring at this boy in front of me. I curled into myself, hoping that if I made myself small enough, I would wither away. My soulmate was about to start hating me. Would this count as me raping him?

“No,” I say. And I don’t know where the confidence came from. But I would take any punishment necessary, but I wouldn’t hurt him.

I felt my head whip to the side and a sharp inhale of breath caused my ribs to scream out.

“Do it or I’ll make sure you go the next two weeks without any food.”

I hear her words, and I knew that I needed food, but I wasn’t going to hurt this boy to get it.

“I don’t care. I’m not about to hurt him. I’m not going to rape him.” I say bracing myself for whatever was going to happen. I knew in my heart that she could kill me in this state if she hit hard enough.

“I don’t mind if it’s you,” I hear him say,” Obviously if you don’t want to that’s up to you, but I think it would be a waste if someone as cute as you just wasted away tied down like an animal.”

I felt myself relax when he called me cute. Maybe he wouldn’t hate me after all. Maybe he could even learn to like me and be my friend.

_Don’t hope for more._

I could hear the two of them talking. But the panic was still clouding my ears.

What if I hurt him?

Is this going to make me a rapist?

I have no clue what I am doing.

Suddenly warm hands were on my hip, guiding me to the bed. I felt Shirabu press me down into the bed gently before running a hand through my hair

“I want him to fuck you!” I heard the lady say angrily.

I watched in utter amazement as Kenjirou turned to her with zero fear in his eyes. “He will. I am going to ride him. Do his legs look like they would hold out very long?”

I felt myself flush in shame, and I felt self-hatred fill my body by the thousands. I wasn’t even able to get hard right now because of my panic. I was definitely not the ideal partner right now. Suddenly I felt a mouth close around my dick. I squeaked out a moan before slapping a hand over my mouth, because I really shouldn’t be enjoying this at all.

I felt tears building in my eyes, because how pathetic was I to make him do absolutely everything.

Suddenly he’s by my face and kissing me on the head. “I’ll be okay.” He whispered quietly. “And I’ll take care of you okay?”

When he started to ride me, I noticed a pained expression on his face.

“I’m sorry,” I said,” I’m hurting you.”

Tears were in my eyes.

“I’m okay Tsutomu,” Kenjirou says,” It always hurts a little bit the first time.”

He sits me up against the headboard so he could have our chests touching. I feel him carding fingers through my hair. And every so slowly there is less and less friction making it better for both of us.

I didn’t last long; it was my first time. I cried when I came.

“It’s okay,” he says,” It’s okay.”

The woman left the room with the camera that she had just been filming us with. I felt Shirabu climb off of me before laying down behind me. He started rubbing circles into my back.

“I’m sorry,” I said,” I’m not a strong person mentally.”

“It’s okay,” he said,” I’ll be strong for both of us.”

I rolled over in his arms and buried my head into his chest. And I fell asleep for the first time in weeks without thinking about how my mother’s body looked when she died.

We started getting customers not long after. And I hated how weak I was. All they did to me was use my mouth. But Shirabu was constantly being raped and mocked and baited by the men like no tomorrow. Yet Shirabu was the one who was there for me.

“You’re just not a fighter,” he said to me one night,” And I love that about you, because you are more of a lover.”

So, I did my best to be a lover. I was constantly berated by others for my abilities as a top. And I hated it because I knew how bad I was. I knew that I was possibly the worst lover when it came to things like that. But I tried to be a good lover. I tried to push back the sick feeling I got when men spent themselves down my throat. I would ignore the burning in my throat and the way sometimes when I coughed blood would come up because of how raw my throat had been rubbed. I would wait until after Kenjirou had fallen asleep before going to grab a washcloth and wiping him down. Cleaning his thighs if there was any blood and doing the best I could to bandage his back with stuff I found from the drugstore and hid inside my school backpack. But I didn’t have a strong mind like Shirabu did, one that guarded his heart so deeply. I had a heart that I wore on my sleeve. And so, every night after Shirabu fell asleep, I mixed my own cuts in alongside the one’s our customers had given me that day. Then I would bandage myself up and claim the bandages were for whatever injuries I had obtained the day before.

Shirabu came home after his first day at Shiratorizawa, and he seemed off the entire night. He didn’t really talk to me and it was starting to weigh on my mind. Even when we forced to have sex with each other. It was starting to make me panic. He was off in his own little world. After our customers left that day, I balled myself up at the side of the bed. It wasn’t like he was totally despondent. He just was thinking about something else.

After about 30 minutes I heard him sigh and pull me against his chest, before playing with my hair.

“We have a third soulmate,” Kenjirou says,” His name is Semi Eita. He’s a third year.”

And maybe I should have been sad. Maybe I should have felt left out. But instead my though process took me somewhere dark.

_If he has someone else, he won’t need me. Maybe I could just kill myself._

I shook the thought process away. I shouldn’t be thinking about that.

“What’s he like?” I ask, my throat hurt, and a metallic taste was in my mouth from biting my cheek.

“Hot,” Shirabu says,” He is definitely your type.”

I snort out a laugh and I hear Shirabu chuckle from behind me.

“Okay he looks hot,” I said,” What else?”

“Let’s see,” Shirabu say flipping us so that I am on top of him,” I would say he is a major hot head like me.”

“How’d you figure that out?” I ask.

“Let’s just say he hates being called Semisemi,” Kenjirou says. I tuck my head into his chest and find comfort in hearing his heartbeat. “He plays volleyball.”

“He’s already a keeper,” I said smiling at him.

He laughs slightly before getting serious,” If you want it to stay as us it can.”

I shook my head. “I think he’ll be good for us. You should tell him who you are. Just don’t mention me yet because I want to meet him first, but you should.”

I felt like he was staring at me in search for the answer of why I said those words. But eventually he relented and fell asleep with me lying on top of him.

I, on the other hand, now had something to keep the bad thoughts at bay. Because if I could survive until then I would get to meet Semi. The man who sounds so similar to Kenjirou. Then man who sounds like an angel.

Kenjirou took a lot of time before he confessed. And even after he did, they fought all the time. And he loved to rant about it. Those rants were the reason he found out about my bad habit.

I had had a bad day at school. I normally did. It wasn’t like everything got better when I was out of the house. I didn’t have anyone there to stop me from thinking when I was out of the house. I ran back home from school after falling into a panic attack and being sent home. Normally I would have waited till later, but I couldn’t help myself and started dragging the razor over my skin.

Kenjirou chose that moment to storm into the bathroom to start yelling about Semi. But when he saw me, his eyes went wide, and he fell to his knees.

“Tsutomu,” he said quietly,” How long?”

“I’m sorry- “

“How… Long?” He repeated.

“A week after we met,” I responded.

I felt his head fall on my shoulder before he wraps me into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” He said. And my breath catches in my throat when I realize that he’s crying. “Please don’t do it anymore.”

“I’ll try,” I said quietly.

And I do. But there are some nights where I hate myself too much. Where I feel too weak. And I slice up my arms before Kenjirou walks in and pulls me into a hug. I can see he’s getting tired, and it hurts because all of a sudden, I feel that he would be so much better off without me.

The night before my first day at Shiratorizawa we lay in bed hugging.

“I think you’d be better off without me,” I say quietly.

And Shirabu doesn’t respond, but the way he tightens his hold around my stomach is enough to tell me he disagrees.

Meeting Semi didn’t go as planned. I ended up running from both of them. I didn’t want to hear how much Semi already hated me. Didn’t want to start an argument between the two of them. They were meant to be together in that picture without me. I sat up against a random shed and pulled out my razor making frantic cuts all over my body. None of them deep, just a stinging pain that I put all over my body so I would feel it when I walked. Eventually I dropped the bloody razor onto the ground before burying my head in my arms so I could cry.

“Tsutomu,” I heard Shirabu’s hesitant voice, “Baby let me see what you did.”

I held out my arm knowing that there was no fighting this in anyway. I almost pulled it back in when I noticed Semi’s presence, but I forced myself to follow what Kenjirou had asked of me.

I flinched as Shirabu glared at me through watery eyes. “Tsutomu it needs to stop.”

I felt my head fall and I briefly recognized that Semi was standing beside Kenjirou. Shock was written all over his face. It looked like he was trying to put together a tough puzzle. I hoped and prayed that Shirabu wouldn’t notice the blood seeping through the shirt from my abdomen. I hadn’t cut there yet today but I could feel that the deeper cuts from yesterday had opened back up.

“Tsutomu, take off your shirt baby.”

I choked out a sob before I unsteadily undid the buttons. My hands were shaking, and I couldn’t get the buttons undone.

“Here,” a quiet voice said. My head snapped up to Semi who now sat in front of me helping me undo the buttons. “Let me help you.”

I nodded and let him undue the buttons to my shirt. And I watched as his eyes filled with regret as soon as he saw the tattoo.

“Shit,” he says,” Fuck! I am so fucking sorry.”

His voice is gentle but still shows all the regret he was holding. I heard Shirabu speaking to him.

“I knew him before I knew you,” Shirabu said,” When we met, he asked if I would wait to tell you about him until you met when he started high school. He’s been in some really tough times and you were what he has been looking forward to for the last year.”

I looked down at my lap refusing to meet their eyes. I just hoped if Semi was going to reject me, he would do it quickly. I winced as he used the anti-septic.

“Can we stop using that?” I ask wincing,” It burns.”

“Stop hurting yourself and it wouldn’t be a problem,” Kenjirou snaps.

I wince and flinch away from his voice. He hadn’t used that tone for me in a while. He really must be upset. My body hunches in defeat.

“Why are you here,” I ask,” You should just let me die.”

_Just leave me. I can’t make you happy. Go be happy together._

“Because I love you,” He says.

I bite my lower lip and try not to cry.

“You could love him more,” I say quietly,” He’s more attractive than me. Maybe if I was pretty like the two of you, he would love me but I’m not. I’m pathetic.”

Suddenly my vision was blocked by Semi. I hadn’t been able to see Semi as well earlier. I hadn’t stopped to actually stare. But as he sat in front of me cupping my cheek in his hand, I felt my body shudder because Kenjirou was right. Semi Eita was drop dead gorgeous.

“Jesus Christ,” I hear him say,” How can you say you’re not attractive. Why do you think I got so damn mad earlier? It was because there was this fucking adorable guy I’d never seen before holding hands with my beautiful boyfriend. I’d thought maybe Kenjirou had found someone more worth his time than me. For a second I was even jealous of him holding your hand.”

My breath caught in my throat as I stared into his eyes and say nothing but pure honesty shining in them.

“Kenjirou,” I hear Eita say,” Tell his teachers he is at the nurse. I am going to talk to him for a bit.”

I see hesitance in Kenjirou’s eyes. And I almost smile at how protective he is of me.

“At least tell me where you two are actually going,” Kenjirou relents.

“Ushijima’s dorm,” Semi responds simply,” He let’s me and Tendou use it sometimes when we just need a moment to ourselves. I already texted and let him know the bare minimum. I’ll make sure to finish bandaging his cuts and stuff there.”

I watch as Kenjirou nods before stepping forward and giving me a kiss on the head.

“What about me,” Semi pouts.

“You get one after I decide whether or not you were nice to Tsutomu today.”

The walk to the dorm wasn’t long, it was just taxing. Semi was kind enough to wait until we were behind closed doors so we wouldn’t have an audience.

“Your name is Tsutomu, right?” He says as he shuts the door.

“Y-yeah,” I respond. I suddenly felt a lot more nervous once the door was shut. My entire body was tense and suddenly I could feel hands on my shoulders forcing me down to my knees.

“Tsutomu!” My eyes snapped open. I was fine. I was safe.

I felt Semi touching my cheek gently, his thumb caressing my cheekbone as if I was the most precious thing in the world.

I felt him start to unbutton my shirt and I clenched my eyes shut again. He stopped.

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m just trying to finish dressing your injuries,” He says. He looks dejected. Regretful,” I know our first meeting today has been kind of sucky thus far. And I know I’ve given you no reason to trust me, but I promise not to hurt you.”

I nod my head and allow him to take my shirt off.

“Are there anymore anywhere else?” He asks quietly. He doesn’t ask why. He just takes care of me.

I nod my head before removing my pants and letting him see my thighs. I notice him making a pained expression and I feel the urge to cover myself.

“You shouldn’t hurt something so beautiful,” He says slightly. “And its not just your body I am talking about. The way Kenjirou protects you tells me that its your heart that is truly beautiful.”

I feel the cloth of the bandages wrapping around my body before he secures the ends with tape. He does the same with both my arms and thighs.

“I am going to run your shirt through the washer with so bleach,” Kenjirou says,” I’ll be right back okay?”

I sit stock still in the chair, trying not to cry.

Suddenly the door opens, and two males walk in. They are both tall and one has a lankier figure with spikey red hair. The other one has brown hair and was muscular.

I froze as both of them stared at me and I scrambled out of the chair.

“Woah,” the red head says comfortingly,” It’s okay. My name is Tendou Satori. And this is Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

I nod in understanding.

“Are you Semi’s second soulmate,” Ushijima asks stepping forward.

I step back in a panic because fuck he was tall. He looked like he could snap me in half without trying.

“Toshi,” Tendou says putting a hand on Ushijima’s shoulder,” You’re literally scaring the crap out of the kid.”

The man, Ushijima, bows at me,” I am very sorry,” he states,” That was not my intention.”

I still took a few more steps back and pushed myself into a corner.

“What the hell guys?” I relax as I hear Semi’s voice. “I leave for 5 minutes and you have the guy pressing himself into a corner.”

Semi walks in and I sprint over and throw myself at him. My body full of tremors. I feel him wrap his arms around me as he steps fully into the room. I hear the door click closed and both of us sink to the floor.

I hear the other two sneaking around us and leave the room. He didn’t ask me questions which I was grateful for. And the two of us stayed like that the entire day.

That night before our customers arrived Shirabu pulled me into a hug.

“What do you say about getting out of here? I know Semi took in Tendou when he was in trouble. Maybe he would help us.” Kenjirou says quietly.

I feel hope course through my body for the first time in a long time. “Could we?”

“Yeah,” Kenjirou said,” let’s make this our last night here okay?”

I nodded in complete and utter happiness. This was the last night. I could handle this being the last night.

I couldn’t handle it.

The first thing they did when they got there was dump cold water all over me to clean up any blood from earlier. I was tied to the end of the bed and blindfolded. My entire body convulsing with shivers. The A/C was at maximum power. I heard Kenjirou’s sobs.

I was struggling to breathe as my mouth was used. And every now and then to make himself laugh he plugged my nose.

Hours after they left, or maybe it was days. My body was convulsing in shivers and I felt hot and cold at the same time. I was holding back from puking everything I had in my body up all over myself. Suddenly I felt warm gentle hands grabbing me and putting me onto the bed. Kenjirou removed the blindfold and I watched heartbroken as he limped to the bathroom to get a washcloth to clean us both up.

The next morning, I wasn’t able to walk. And I watched as Shirabu tried so hard not to think about leaving me in the house alone as he left.

_He’ll be back soon._

Day turned to noon.

_He loves you._

Noon turned to night.

_Any minute now._

My body startled as the door to our room was thrown open and the woman who had been keeping us here walked in.

“Kenjirou hasn’t shown up,” she says,” Maybe he ran off on his own. It doesn’t matter; I was getting close to done with you boys anyways. I’ll let all these guys who were being fended off by Kenjirou at you now. They’ve wanted to try you for a while.”

_Kenjirou’s coming. Kenjirou promised._

The first time is always the most painful. At least that’s what I had heard. But nothing can prepare you for the utter agony of having a partner who didn’t care if you died right then and there. It wasn’t like with Kenjirou where he touched my face and gave me comforting words. Even though I had never bottomed, I knew this wasn’t supposed to be how it felt.

I felt the pain ricochet all the way up my spine. I cried out. I could feel something trickling down my thighs and I clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to think about what it was.

“Must be your little boy toy gave up on you.”

_No._

“He must not love you as much as you think he does.”

_Stop._

“You weren’t good enough for him anyways.

_You’re right._

The torture went on for what felt like hours. My thighs were sticky. My back was cut up. My throat abused. I felt dizzy and the sickness from earlier wasn’t helping my system from shutting down.

“Tsutomu,” I heard suddenly,” God I am so sorry. I went to get Eita like I said. And then I passed out. Oh my god I should have been here.”

I felt myself smiling as I wiped his tears away.

_He didn’t leave me then. He’s safe. He’s going to be okay._

“I knew you would come back,” I said. Because I had. Even if I’d had a moment of doubt,” I’m just glad I got to see you both one last time.”

I felt my eyes getting heavy. But a heart wrenching sob kept my staring right at Kenjirou.

“Please Tsutomu,” He says sobbing “You don’t understand. I… I’m a better person when I am with you. I hate the person I am without you. I used to hate myself. You made me better. So please don’t leave me.”

Tears start entering my vision. Because now I couldn’t leave them.

“Come on darling,” I hear Eita say,” I need you to stay awake for me until the ambulance gets here.”

I grip Eita’s hand and I realize that its trembling.

Reality start going in and out of focus as I am put onto what was probably a stretcher. And right before I feel the world go completely dark, the bonds all snap into place.

When I woke up it was to myself being tied down. I started to panic thinking I was back in the room with the group of men.

“Hey Tsutomu,” I heard a gentle voice say,” You’re okay. The cuts on your arms made the nurses did that so you didn’t rip open any stitches.”

My eyes opened slowly to meet with brown ones, and I found myself relaxing under that gentle gaze.

Eita kisses my forehead gently. “Kenjirou worked himself into a shock so he is in the hospital bed over there. You worried us both.”

I glanced over to where Eita pointed to see Kenjirou resting.

“Do you want to talk?”

I shook my head. I really just wanted to sleep. I pushed the feelings of tiredness over the bond so that he would understand.

“Okay then,” he says with a small smile. “Go to sleep. I’ll make sure to protect you.”

It was a little while before I was released. Cops came and talked to me in the hospital often. But after I left, I made it a point to avoid the entire experience. That is until the end of my third year. I sat cuddling with my soulmates on the couch.

**_Shouyou_** **has** _added_ ** _You_** _,_ **_Kageyama Tobio, Kunimi Akira_** _,_ **_Tendou Satori_** _,_ ** _Shirabu Kenjirou_** _,_ **_Yamaguchi Tadashi_** _,_ **_Yaku Morisuke_** _, and_ **_Akaashi Keiji_** _to a group chat._

**_Shouyou:_** _This is Hinata Shouyou from Karasuno High School._ If _you have burning questions about your past that you need answered, come to Tokyo on Sunday. Kenma and Kuroo’s place. If you can’t or don’t want to that’s fine, it’s your choice. But if you have any desire to have answers, I have some._

I felt everything come flooding back in a wave. Things I had tried to repress. Things I had never fully gotten over.

**_ HOW CAN I BE STRONGER? _ **

**_ [Join the discord!!!](https://discord.gg/ebQ9kg5Q7r) _ **

**Author's Note:**

> 3 more boys to go and then we have the last story arc of the series. Might end up making it 2 segment with multiple chapters. But let me know what you think...
> 
> YAMAGUCHI FANS YOUR BOY IS NEXT ON THE LIST!!!! Please prepare yourself to hold back from killing me please. I promise it will be okay... As I love all these boys and literally cannot hurt them their entire lives.


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